Beginner's Guide to Running Away From Home

A step by step strategy to gain your utmost freedom

Shout out to whoever has thought to themselves at some point while growing up, "this woman is not my real mummy" or "that man is not my father" or “I must have been adopted.” But this isn't for you. 

While we grew up, those moments arise that sends us into a haze, wishing we had different parents, or maybe none at all.

It never lasts beyond a few minutes, and for some that are like me, it may persist for a few days. Ultimately, you snap out of it and embrace that loving family once again because soft fried dodo and beans for dinner won't let you hold any grudge.

Now that you're "grown," the feeling doesn't leave. You're constantly in a "what-to-do" mode, and you can be stuck for years. You're going through your days, unaware of yourself and unsure of how the next will be. The only constant in your head is, "I need to get out of here."

First, I'll admit that not everyone feels that urge to want to leave the comfort of their parents’ house. It's mostly a safe space that provides most of the comfort anyone would want. If you're that person, na you sabi wetin you go do o.

To get away from your parents' house is usually not a small feat. It takes strategic planning and positioning to make it smooth and unencumbering. The strategies I will share with you are tested and trusted. In fact, they are sourced from those who used them to japa - but close to home.

Strategy 1

From School to Living Alone

I want to believe that if you're reading this, you left school some years back or you're still in school. This strategy is for those still in school.

This goes without saying that you need to already have a source of income, a stable source. Nigeria is hard. Fending for yourself in Nigeria is harder.

Back to our talk. First, you want to ensure that you're almost done with school (save this email if you still have some years to go.) Three months is enough.

Decide where you'd like to live for the next 1-3 years. Here, I believe you have two options. You either continue to stay where you currently live (obviously not a school hostel) or move somewhere else. If you choose to stay where you are, that's good for you. However, if you need to move, get an agent's contact. Find out the rent price for where you'd like to stay. Lagos should cost you about 500k on average for a decent room in your first year. Do you have up to that amount? Can you get it in three months? Maybe just go back home to mummy.

No?

I'll advise you to hustle harder then. And maybe be ready to sleep on your rug or carpet for a few months.

Yes?

Check the next strategy.

Strategy 2

Get a Job

When I ask you to get a job for the sake of running away from home, I wouldn't advise a remote position. This strategy works well for anyone; fresh graduates or aging adults.

The idea is that you have to leave home every day to go to work. I am not here to tell you how you should get the best job to feed yourself but get something that;

1. Gets you stuck in traffic for at least 4 hours daily.

2. Pays well enough that you have some savings to get an apartment in less than a year.

3. Your parents believe is good for you.

If you meet all these requirements, you are on your way to leaving.

Do I need to tell you what to do?

Just like Strategy 1, get the best location for yourself. Have your money ready 3 - 6 months before your date of departure, begin to make daily complaints of the stress you endure every day just because you're not close to your place of work.

You have to travel far daily just for work. When it is time, your parents will already have an earful of your complaints, and it would be easier for them to understand why you need to get your place.

Or, if you're lucky, you get a friend to squat with.

Strategy 3

Be a rebel

This would be your fastest means of getting kicked out of the house. If you have other siblings that happen to be better behaved, you're sitting on a goldmine. Maybe you've used Strategy 1, Strategy 2, or both, and you're still failing. Pull this wild card, and before Buhari can catch the bandits, you're out.

PS: Know how to beg very well because you will need to roll on the floor when you go back to apologize.

Strategy 4

Move to a different country.

If all the above strategies have failed, keep this as your fail-safe. Find your way to another country. That's the easiest thing to do in this country. Find a scholarship for your Masters outside the country. Go through the Mediterranean and on a boat down to Italy. Sneak into the cargo hold of a ship or airplane. See, just find a way to leave the country.

You will be better for it. Nigeria will be better for it.

I have given you the ways I know, but I believe you are creative to come up with something interesting. How do you plan to japa?

Love,

Piper.